February 2024
Performed live at Vassar College
当我意识到我能做到这一点时，我就开始以某种方式装饰和制作自己的衣服。我已经将图像印在很多衬衫上。我总是会回到图形 T。在我的电脑上制作，我选择每张图片。我习惯性地选择它，把它烧掉，看着它随着时间的推移而崩溃。我会在任何可以找到的地方寻找图像，即使我可能不应该这样做。图形我不知道是谁创造的，是谁制作的。
按照我自己的形象制作，我选择每一个伤口。我习惯性地选择它，刺穿它，看着它随着时间的流逝而崩溃。当我意识到我可以做到这一点时，我就开始装饰我的皮肤并制作我自己的身体。我的第一个纹身是用缝衣针刺进我的皮肤的。现在它流血的方式，流淌着美丽的蓝色斑点。我想要它在我身上，因为它很有趣。或者说，这是做一些我不应该做的事情的乐趣，一些对我的形象来说不是由家庭上帝的某种扭曲所注定的事情。
现在，我将化学物质注射到肌肉中，看着自己最终衰老。我的生活就是一种视觉怀旧。变性人水仙，我总是回顾自己的倒影，直到最近我才看到自己的倒影。我的钱包里放着一张自己的照片。我只是觉得这是我的好照片。万一我需要的话。我在厕所里拍了很多照片，因为我不像其他女孩。我（曾经）希望能够像粘土一样塑造自己的身体。
作为一个“女孩”，我有很多这样的衬衫，但这一件是我母亲的。我觉得现在我的身上看起来很奇怪。我经常记得我第一次穿东西的时候。我第一次穿这件衬衫是在我还住在中国的时候，我还可以完美地用我的母语说话（我很高兴我仍然可以写母语，在所有讽刺的词中）。我的衣橱里似乎没有什么不对劲的地方，所以我走进了妈妈的衣橱。当我忘记如何庆祝新年时，我会制定自己的传统并每天实践它们。
As soon as I realized I could do it, I’ve been decorating and making my own clothes, in some way or another. I’ve printed images onto so many shirts. I always come back to graphic Ts. Made on my computer, I choose every picture. I custom select it, burn it on, watch it crumble with age. I find images anywhere I can, even when I maybe shouldn’t. Graphics I have no idea who created, who made it.
Made in my own image, I choose every wound. I custom select it, stab it on, watch it crumble with age. As soon as I realized I could do it, I’ve been decorating my skin and making my own body. My first tattoo, hacked into my skin with a sewing needle. The way it bleeds out now, bleeding beautiful blots of blue. I wanted it on my body because it was funny. Or it was the fun of doing something I shouldn’t have, something to my image not preordained by some distortion of familial god.
Now I inject chemicals into my muscle and watch myself finally age. My life is one of visual nostalgia. Transexual invert Narcissus, I’m always looking back at my own reflection, one I didn’t see myself in until recently. I keep a picture of myself in my wallet. I just think it’s a good picture of me. In case I need it. I take so many pictures on the toilet because I’m NotLikeOtherGirls. I (used to) wish I could sculpt my own body like clay.
I had/have many shirts like this as a “girl”, but this one was my mother’s. I feel that it looks so strange on my body now. I often remember the first time I wore things. I wore this shirt for the first time back when I still lived in China and spoke perfectly in my mother tongue (I’m glad I can still write 母语, of all ironic words). Nothing in my closet seemed right, so I went into my mother’s. When I forget how to celebrate the new year I make my own traditions and practice them every day.